The second chapter

                Chapter 2

Lucy sat in her car next to the old road that led out of town. She still felt horribly drained as she looked at the rain falling, washing away the dust and dirt from the earth.
How she wished that her mother was still alive. She so desperately needed to talk to someone about everything that had happened. What a fool she had been, letting things get so out of hand. She should never have started the afair with Mark. She should have read the signs that were so obvious like the secrecy and the fact that she could never call him when he wasn’t with her or the fact that she had never been invited to his house.
Lucy turned the key in the ignition. What do I do now Lord? How do I face my shame?
Lucy drove on and on as the wipers swished out a rhythm of their own.
Every moment on her own brought a reminder of what she has done. She was standing on the brink of losing everything that was important to her. Her selfrespect and everyone else’s. If her pregnancy became known everyone would know who she was. She was the other woman. The Scarlet letter that has to be avoided. Her colegues at work will despice her and shun her from their clique.
Lucy placed a slender hand over her abdomen. I’m sorry little one. So, so sorry to be bringing you into this world like this.
Just then she realized that she had to quit her job and move away because she couldn’t face the shame of it. She had to think about her child’s future happiness. She couldn’t let her baby be born in shame. Even if this was the twentyfirst century people still looked down on children who was born out of wedlock especially if they were the result of a extra-marital afair.
On her way out of Riverdale she stopped at the offices of Mcdonald&co. When she finally had the courage she went inside and resigned.
For a brief moment she had wanted to tell Sheila who was the receptionist everything that has happend but she stopped herself. There was no point in spilling the beans. No one had to know.
Before she left she said bye to her old friend and colegue Anne but she wasn’t there.
She left Anne a simple note before she left the office for the last time.
She drove to the highway that headed to Clearview that was about two hours drive away. She tried to keep her mind blank but still the memories came flooding back, suffocating her little by little.
She gave way to the tears again as the realization hit home. She was twenty-eight and pregnant with no job or a medical aid and barely enough savings in her bank account to last through out her pregnancy. What on earth was she doing?
She thought about praying as she drove but so far it hasn’t helped one bit so she desided against it. If she was going to survive she had to do it using her own wits. She sat back in the carseat, relaxing as she continued to drive.
She could find new employment somewhere but it involved struggling to raise her child on her own, full time daycare and state-provided medical care. Lucy closed her eyes for a brief second. After the recent scandal involving newborn babies dying because of lack of care by the nurses who worked at some other state hospital she wasn’t keen on the idea of giving birth in one. Ofcourse their were millions of children who managed to grow up just fine under such circumstances.
Lucy switched gears as she stared straight at the road in front of her.
Not my baby.
As the sun began to shine weakly through the clouds Lucy knew what she had to do. It wasn’t the ideal but it would have to do.

Lucy pulled over on the side of the street infront of a neat little double story house.
Maybe he could give her a job at his successfull advertising company, she hoped as she got out of her car.
She knocked three times on the door and waited.
“Lucy?” Matt asked surprised, “What are you doing here?”
Lucy swallowed hard, “I need your help.”
Matt looked at Lucy worried. He hadn’t expect to see her again since she had broken it off with him a couple of months ago but he was glad that she came. He had been praying night and day that she would come back to him. Finally the Lord has answered his prayers.
“Can I come in?” Lucy asked softly, interupting Matt’s thoughts.
He opened the door wider and without thinking twice Lucy walked inside. She would beg her ex on her knees if she had to as long as her baby was provided for. It may be awkward at first to work for him but she had no alternative. She had acted on impulse just a few short hours ago when she left her life behind in Riverdale and she wasn’t feeling sorry for it but that meant that she had to get new employment fast if she wanted to prevent her baby from being born in poverty.
Before she knew it she layed her cards on the table, telling Matt everything before she could stop herself and she felt even worse for doing so. Matt was her ex. He had nothing to do with the huge mess she had selfishly created for herself.
Matt listened intently at Lucy as she spoke, his heart aching seeing her so troubled and distraught. He knew he should be disgusted by her actions but instead it was the oposite. His heart filled with more love towards her. It was as if God was whispering in his ear to give her another chance. He knew with a certainy in his heart that he still wanted to marry her even though she was broken and falling to pieces at his feet, begging him for a job.
She told Matt everything and when they had talked everything through he asked her again to marry him like a did a couple of months ago. Matt knew he was her second choice, a means for her to survive. He knew she didn’t love him like he loved her yet he still felt the need to make her his wife.
“Lucy I won’t give you a job,” he said softly, taking her slender hand in his, “I want to give you more,”
Lucy looked at Matt confused as she sniffed softly into a tissue. What on earth was he saying?
“I hope you don’t run away this time but I would rather marry you than have you working for me,” Matt said, knowing it sounded stupidly absurd.
“Why?” Lucy asked disbelievingly. He couldn’t be serious. After everything she had done to him he should hate her or gain some pleasure out of her problems. He shouldn’t be proposing again. It made no sense.
His pale blue eyes rested on her face and he took a deep breath before he spoke, ” I know it sounds weak, perhaps even stupid but I still love you Lucy. Maybe you don’t feel exactly the same but I’m sure that I can be a good husband to you and maybe in time you could love me again,”
Lucy shaked her head, “And the baby? You do realize that…”
“I will love the baby just as much because it’s a part of you Lucy,” Matt kneeled infront of Lucy, “I know you don’t get it and maybe you don’t even believe me when I say it but I have always loved you Lucy. I have never stopped, ” Matt swallowed hard at the lump that formed in his throat, “Don’t ask questions that I can not explain the answers to. Just say yes and marry me,”
Unable to speak Lucy just nodded yes with her head as she cried. Maybe she was being selfish again but Matt was offering her and her unborn child the promise of love and a future as a family. And perhaps in time if she could forgive herself she could love him the way he deserved to be loved.


A preview on the book I’m now writing

                Chapter 1

Lucy felt the change in her body almost emediately and after two weeks the morning nausea started. Lucy sat on the floor of her tiny bathroom weeping. She told herself over and over that it wasn’t what she had thought it was. She had a bit of stomach flu or perhaps the nausea was caused by a lack of eating properly since Mark had vanished from her life.
To her it felt like God was punishing her for the afair she had with a married man.
An illness of some sort was as good a punishment as any.
It has been two solid weeks that she had seen him last and that wasn’t counting the time she had been at the hospital after his accident. Ever since then she had been a total nut case.She had been avoiding her mother and father and ignored all her calls. Instead of socializing she had locked herself in her apartment. It was her way of punishing herself for the unpardonable sin. The eating of the forbidden fruit.
She rested her chin on her knees, sobbing all alone. I’m so sorry God. Please forgive me for what I have done. Why did I fall for the charms of a married man?
Lucy waited for a response but none came. It was as if Jesus had turned his back on her.
Lucy wiped the tears from her face. Perhaps it was this constant crying that made her feel so bad. It couldn’t be anything else.
Lucy got up slowly from where she sat on the cold floor before looking at her pale reflection in the mirror above the washbasin. She certainly didn’t look good. Her emerald green eyes were red rimmed from the constant crying and there were telltale signs of exhaustion. It was just her flame red curls that shone briliantly beneath the harsh light of the bathroomlight.
“I miss you Mark,” she quietly whispered, watching her mouth form the words in the reflection of the mirror.
Lucy walked to her bedroom feelng like a dirty, washed out rag. She knew she had no one but herself to blame for her broken heart.
She closed her eyes, trying to shut out the memories of the times she and Mark had spent together but still they came like an unstoppable tidalwave.
She opened her eyes and looked at her Bible that was on the nightstand next to her bed. She concidered reading it for some comfort but eversince Mark had broken it off with her she hadn’t been able to open it. She felt way to dirty to hold God’s perfect word in her filthy hands.
Oh God what am I going to do if I’m pregnant?
Once again there was no answer and Lucy felt herself weeping all over again.
Her period didn’t show up the following day or the day after that and by Monday, four weeks since she had last been with Mark she knew that she was definitely pregnant. She didn’t need the pregnancy test to prove it yet she knew she had to otherwise she might not be able to fully accept the truth.
The following day she drove to the pharmacist. There she bought three different tests that all promised acurate results within days after conception or a missed period.
At home she performed all three test within minutes after each other in her tiny bathroom. After two pink stripes showed in the three different windows she finally had to accept the undeniable truth.
She was definitely pregnant with a married man’s baby.
The following day she didn’t go to work. Instead she stayed in bed, weeping her heart out. She kept on asking herself why she went against God’s word and got herself involved with a married man who could never have been hers.
At times she was overcome with a million nagging fears. What was she going to do now? Should she move or man up and let Mark know? And finally what sort of mother would she be?
The answer to her last question was easy.
She would be the kind and loving mother that her own mother was. Lucille had lived for her onely daughter. And although Lucy knew that her dicision would probably cost her alot she knew too that she would love her child the same for as long as she lived.
Lucy sighed softly. She would carry the punishment for the moments of weakness that she had but she vowed to hee unborn baby to never punish him or her for it.
If Mark had been hers they would have been both filled with joy. They would have been celebrating the wonder of a new life together. And in the midst of her suffering the reality of that new promise of life filled her with awe. She was expecting Mark’s child. A child who was conceived out of their love no matter how shortlived it was. A tear slowely rolled down Lucy’s cheek. If only it was right instead of wrong. How could God bless her with such a miracle when she didn’t deserve it?
She wished that she could talk to Mark, even for just a minute or two to tell him. What would his reaction be? Would he be happy or would he turn her away, discusted by the sheer sight of her?
She wished she had known the answer but she wasn’t so sure about anything anymore.
Mark had his life with his wife and family. She had to face the facts and deal with it on her own.