Lucy felt the change in her body almost emediately and after two weeks the morning nausea started. Lucy sat on the floor of her tiny bathroom weeping. She told herself over and over that it wasn’t what she had thought it was. She had a bit of stomach flu or perhaps the nausea was caused by a lack of eating properly since Mark had vanished from her life.
To her it felt like God was punishing her for the afair she had with a married man.
An illness of some sort was as good a punishment as any.
It has been two solid weeks that she had seen him last and that wasn’t counting the time she had been at the hospital after his accident. Ever since then she had been a total nut case.She had been avoiding her mother and father and ignored all her calls. Instead of socializing she had locked herself in her apartment. It was her way of punishing herself for the unpardonable sin. The eating of the forbidden fruit.
She rested her chin on her knees, sobbing all alone. I’m so sorry God. Please forgive me for what I have done. Why did I fall for the charms of a married man?
Lucy waited for a response but none came. It was as if Jesus had turned his back on her.
Lucy wiped the tears from her face. Perhaps it was this constant crying that made her feel so bad. It couldn’t be anything else.
Lucy got up slowly from where she sat on the cold floor before looking at her pale reflection in the mirror above the washbasin. She certainly didn’t look good. Her emerald green eyes were red rimmed from the constant crying and there were telltale signs of exhaustion. It was just her flame red curls that shone briliantly beneath the harsh light of the bathroomlight.
“I miss you Mark,” she quietly whispered, watching her mouth form the words in the reflection of the mirror.
Lucy walked to her bedroom feelng like a dirty, washed out rag. She knew she had no one but herself to blame for her broken heart.
She closed her eyes, trying to shut out the memories of the times she and Mark had spent together but still they came like an unstoppable tidalwave.
She opened her eyes and looked at her Bible that was on the nightstand next to her bed. She concidered reading it for some comfort but eversince Mark had broken it off with her she hadn’t been able to open it. She felt way to dirty to hold God’s perfect word in her filthy hands.
Oh God what am I going to do if I’m pregnant?
Once again there was no answer and Lucy felt herself weeping all over again.
Her period didn’t show up the following day or the day after that and by Monday, four weeks since she had last been with Mark she knew that she was definitely pregnant. She didn’t need the pregnancy test to prove it yet she knew she had to otherwise she might not be able to fully accept the truth.
The following day she drove to the pharmacist. There she bought three different tests that all promised acurate results within days after conception or a missed period.
At home she performed all three test within minutes after each other in her tiny bathroom. After two pink stripes showed in the three different windows she finally had to accept the undeniable truth.
She was definitely pregnant with a married man’s baby.
The following day she didn’t go to work. Instead she stayed in bed, weeping her heart out. She kept on asking herself why she went against God’s word and got herself involved with a married man who could never have been hers.
At times she was overcome with a million nagging fears. What was she going to do now? Should she move or man up and let Mark know? And finally what sort of mother would she be?
The answer to her last question was easy.
She would be the kind and loving mother that her own mother was. Lucille had lived for her onely daughter. And although Lucy knew that her dicision would probably cost her alot she knew too that she would love her child the same for as long as she lived.
Lucy sighed softly. She would carry the punishment for the moments of weakness that she had but she vowed to hee unborn baby to never punish him or her for it.
If Mark had been hers they would have been both filled with joy. They would have been celebrating the wonder of a new life together. And in the midst of her suffering the reality of that new promise of life filled her with awe. She was expecting Mark’s child. A child who was conceived out of their love no matter how shortlived it was. A tear slowely rolled down Lucy’s cheek. If only it was right instead of wrong. How could God bless her with such a miracle when she didn’t deserve it?
She wished that she could talk to Mark, even for just a minute or two to tell him. What would his reaction be? Would he be happy or would he turn her away, discusted by the sheer sight of her?
She wished she had known the answer but she wasn’t so sure about anything anymore.
Mark had his life with his wife and family. She had to face the facts and deal with it on her own.